AR 358,
Freud’s theory of paranoia, links it to repressed homosexual libido, narcissism is linked with homosexuality, paranoiac megalomania with narcissism. Ingenious like his dream theory What can we make of his sexual ideal? His standard of health. Is it even realistic? Is it oppressive, his idea of mature genital love? Is it something of a fascist ideal of health.

XX 41,
Some hash paranoia last night. In the bog, in the pub coming out to rejoin Gil at the bar. Ultimate situations, with the infinite terror they promise. ‘Its back again, can you solve this one?’ the whole of reality assumes a totally menacing configuration, one is faced with the impossible test. Ordinary reality becomes transfigured into the appalling metaphysical reality when ordinary reassurance has become meaningless and vistas of infinite horror open up in all directions. What horror? All the possible horror of the universe. Horror as pure possibility
Mentalities very different from my own. I can see someone who does not want to live with the attitude of dissent that to me is everything. My whole outlook is paranoid I do not welcome revolutionary change. The effect of Winch’s thought on me was to induce paranoia. One is in a philosophy in the heart of its weakness. It is like a compete view of the world that is absorbed, a total perspective.
BD 184 When I am told I should understand something that everyone else does, some sort of basic humanity, and I am said to be blind or foolish not to perceive it, as if I am paranoid and defensive and I should break down all my defences. But if I broke down all my defences I would indeed be infinitely vulnerable. This because of who I am. It is a path of philosophical doubt, or spiritual preparation. I remove all trust. People who value me but think I should change, would kill the goose that lays the golden eggs. I have enemies everywhere.

AP 66,
Sammy’s florid delusions.


288, Thoughts on paranoia and redemption. Question whether my mild form of paranoia is really a form of mental disturbance.
Firstly, to deny that most people are against me, is to accept myself as falling under the judgement of the current order. That is far worse than recognising implicit hostility. It would be cancer.
Idea that there is a conformist pressure and this is linked up with the sexual culture with one grows up, the collective pressure of the female directed against the eccentric.
Part of the point is that the culture appears to change all the time and has not therefore been fully described. The effort to bring to full articulation is modern and in a naive way honest but it is also abominable.
All real strength lives in the interstices, in that which is not well known.

297, Paranoia, my paranoia and the minds of women. Women and their will, their perspective and their point of view. What comes out is reproaches All the claims to objectivity.
Paranoid defensiveness, taking this literally. A philosophers’ outlook. Prepared to doubt everything, consider every perspective for what it is. Having no basic security, not commonsense,. Women try themselves against you, expect some sort of basic biological response from you. They attack you but do not but do not want or expect you to cave in.

314, Extraordinary misunderstandings that persist. People one might think of as on one’s side. When I am told I am a paranoiac. Yet what would it be not to be a paranoiac? It would be to agree with someone else, accept their ideas that they are so insistent I should accept, their view of the truth.

174&, Paranoia. Myself as pariah. I have been feeling of late. Vastness even of Brighton, let alone London coming in by train All the buildings where people live. Trying to grasp it understand it as a whole. Sense of paranoia as it looms up. Alien, coercive, judgemental.

Myself as one who has no effect. Who resists what he is told, but quite futilely. Who is forced to submit to a lot of things, to those people whose ideas for so much of the time he wants to resist.
Not the type that allies with others to seek inclusion. Like the blackleg of the transport union. The horrible massive alliance of those with chips. Suffering with a hint of madness.

Nietzsche, resentment and weakness. Resentment of authority and power Resentment of the relativistic idea that would reinforce the power that he resents. Power of women. Sexual power. Weakness, sickness By an official standard sick Feeling oneself sick suffering. Suffering from adverse judgement, From society’s neglect. Observing the feelings that arise, taking what comes.

UU 132,
Macbeth. A malignant destiny. The truth about paranoia. Paranoia is not a punishment for sin, though it may perceive itself in those terms. Paranoia is a reality in life, it is something we may encounter. How are we to see it if we do not see it as having a moral significance? As a product of nature, like everything else in the universe. Precisely here is tragic affirmation. to see reality as it is, that is a delight. To see it stripped of the veil of illusion. You are compelled by the most powerful emotions.

The exhilaration of tragedy, suppose that it is partly schadenfreude? This too is life, that is what we are. But affirmation of life? I do not think that is something directly expressed. All that is expressed is truth there is exhilaration in the revelation of truth.

Benny Hill had a good sketch illustrating paranoia. A man has a remote control switch for his video machine. He finds he can control his life with it, wind back his life and freeze it, stop traffic, reverse the bus he has just missed etc he uses his device to get to a south sea island where beautiful girls are undressing him and he thinks he is in paradise till he sees the cannibal pot they are preparing for him. In terror he winds himself back to his living room and his nagging wife.

AK 347,
The true formula is called knowledge. As such, though, it contradicts certain other ideas that might be in the mind. Having defined a possible position what one has to contend with is the denial of that possibility. This is where actual falsity comes in.
Forms of true knowledge. Certainties of paranoiacs and schizophrenics. “Do you think I am going mad?” asked the paranoiac . Subjectively so certain.

AD 9,
What she calls my paranoia is so deep rooted in me that it is my health and my illness, my life and my death. The importance of the fact that I must pursue my own solitary route

56, That which is called paranoia. You live among people whose object is to thwart you. Some people do not feel this. Get a glimpse of what it could be not to feel this Days of my youth.

AN 18, And against you will be the evil demoralising suggestion that prevailing standards are good enough. What they have is power. What I want is power. Measuring myself by other people’s standards is the thing to be avoided. Every standard that denies power is the reality

Every doctrine as to the true end of life. It may be meant only as description. But if it is at all something at which at which other people are better than I am then it is not the highest end of life for me, but a depressing lie. it may be that my own doctrine, power, depresses others.

ZZ 246, Paranoia The seamless web. Alien wills. In one sense my self confidence is very great. Certainty of some of my beliefs and ideas. Sense of a tremendous enjoyment and satisfaction that is possible from life. Ideas opposed to these ideas seem to be plainly wrong. How could they possibly be right? There is the seed of doubt and paranoia. All ideas opposed to my own ideas are the products of alien wills. My confidence is always under threat. In affirming itself my confidence is perfect. It is when it comes to reflect that it is threatened. Threatened not by good reasons or arguments but by bad ones. Why not just be content to persuade,leaving my confidence secure even when I am not attending to it?
A view of life as follows. A jungle of conflicting values and judgements endeavouring to enslave and subject you.
The paths to orthodox success. People demanding that you submit to their value judgements. The alien will. This can never be argued completely away.
Atheism. Idea that this deprives us of any trust that the world is ultimately good, that there is any escape from whatever state of demoralisation you happen to be in.
But the possibility of escape does not have to mean this surely. To believe simply in possibilities that have been well mapped out, that should do.
Accept that there are bad possibilities and good ones. But how can I see my path as just one possibility? I feel the need to set up this seamless web.

VV 112,
Differences between our respective paranoia. While mine is cosmic and solipsistic hers is to do with conspiracies to drive her mad

AC 244, Paranoia as protecting one’s pride. For classes that to take at their own value would damage your pride you feel contempt and hostility.

TT 56,
Paranoia. Idea that most people are out to crush and destroy me. In fact this is quite a reasonable hypothesis. An immediate objection is that in reality people are quite indifferent to me. That is, in may ways an objectionable proposition. In one sense it is quite obviously true. However, insofar as their indifference frustrates my will they are in fact hostile. If my will were known it would be objected to.

149, Two faces of paranoid delusions, of grandeur and delusions of persecution. One the idea that I am so interesting that everyone ought to be interested in me. I dislike taking a minor role

AB 130
Severity of judgement as the essential bad thing, the very root of madness. Such severity springing from the power of an omnipresent ideology one does not know how to escape.
The essence of paranoia
‘bad maladjusted insane.
The essential oppressiveness of the ideology of the left. Its frustratingness.

194, My belief in my great destiny. See my paranoia as an expression of the frustration of my will to power. My desire for pre-eminence, refusal to take a subordinate position. Therefore in some situations an extreme social unease.

385, Roots of paranoia. One spends energy trying to fend off the irruption of a demoralising reality, demoralising thoughts.
Paranoia,. Sometimes he actually can succeed in projecting himself effectively. I.e. the paranoid programme is not foredoomed or inherently hopeless. Think of the strain imposed. There is a constant vigilance wariness, rejection of experience.
Pleasure is experienced as release from the will. Aesthetic in architecture, painting, nature. This offers release from the frustrated will. Rewards and satisfactions come as a sort of reward of grace. A triumph over the oppression of the mundane.

QQ 3&
On speed I think I got an overview of my system of paranoia. Generally I live more in the hating than in the loving mode. My ambition in life is my ideas, my thought, which I wish to promote, and I tend to see women in particular, except t when they are naive impressionable as enemies of my thought.
Frustrated sexual energy, they say, can be channelled into creative work. Paranoid systems and neuroses can be used to create work of permanent value.

Nature of my paranoia. Fear of judgement. The mundane standards to which I do not meet up. Different kinds of mundane standards. Bourgeois standards. Mediocrity standards, banal and familiar. Those which try to reduce everything to the level of some or other set of homely clichés.
The power of the banal. Nearly all my paranoia centres upon women, generally individual women. It is what they may think of me that it can find disturbing.

128, My temperament may be to see different schools of modern art as expressions of different ideas. that is all splendid, everything can be given a place in the great cathedral of the future the great temple.
But that is part of my paranoid magical disposition. To categorise, to place. I can do that with ideas, works of art and social phenomena to my own satisfaction. I arrive at a kind of working understanding, which unfortunately does not begin to tackle all that could be said. This my satisfaction of understanding.
Paranoia. Threats that have to be nullified. Nullification of threats. Slaying spirits. Such understanding is personally satisfying enough to enable me to move on.
As a paranoiac I may be surrounded by threats, which is why I have to think and to write so incessantly, but it is the overcoming of these that has bought me so much of my joy. And is it possible that one of the reasons why I have been feeling so bad over the past few weeks is that for various reasons I have not been able to write very much or very well

PP 33,
Perhaps a certain immaturity amid all my brilliance, to do with my mode of making a living, or rather not making a living. A certain paranoid need to justify myself. juvenile insecurity pouring scorn on most of mankind from an extremely insecure base.

OO 224,
Views of life. Is life a detective story? Is it an Agatha Christie? Christie, the Scottish for Christ. The riddle of life. What’s it all about? Are there various material clues scattered throughout life which you meet in the course of yours, some of which pass unnoticed but are actually of the highest significance? Is the riddle solved after death? A nightmarish paranoid vision.

45, W Burroughs makes the pleasant paradoxical observation that a paranoiac is ‘someone in possession of all the facts’. I do not agree. My paranoid reactions sprigging from lack of self confidence on a personal level. Not understanding the new kind of leftism, feeling very alien from it.. Seeing such people as my enemies who have to be fought against perhaps from the standpoint of incomprehension. I can argue about issues but the point is I do not share their instinct much as I try to rationalise their motives. But I take them back in my mind to the era of the sixties. I can see their attitudes as a reaction against frustration.

48, Paranoia. Enemies whose strengths and weakness have not yet been assessed and who are therefore overrated. But that is part of the process of living in the present. If you look at the past, all kinds of last words have been said on various subjects, but in the present, all present issues are undecided all must be taken as presuming what has been said before. So you must come into conflict with forces you oppose with views and opinions in which you do not believe and to which there is no authority, to which you can appeal to settle the matter. unassessed enemies must always be confusing, and you cannot assess all your enemies in advance.

53, Paranoia, seeing your enemies all around whose strength one is not able adequately to assess. Look at the modern world and see socialism, feminism,, success ethic, consumerism all rampant. Yet everything has its causes and its weaknesses.

GG 12,
The bad. Kafka. That which undermines self confidence. Perhaps something that should be faced, not so much masochistically enjoyed. Perhaps shame should be integrated with the personality, deified, the earwig deity. It is one phase of existence. What is really bad is the claim it makes for totality, this is all thou art, then it leads to paranoid constructions

FF 40,
Dominance, paranoia. Miracle, Paranoia, ultra defensive attitudes, perhaps necessary as a prelude to attaining dominance. Prominence of psychic contents, classification of people into allies and enemies. When does the paranoid attitude become untenable? It is all a question of power. In itself fit is an aggressive stance, the difference between it and the ‘normal’ depends on how much we feel we need to fight. One who feels unsure in a situation will become more defensive. The one who is naturally dominant will want to fight more, he will recognise a larger area of hostile territory. In a situation a ‘paranoid’ response might be the most appropriate given the level of understood power, even although actual power may be greater than realised, as it usually is in paranoid conditions. Let it be remembered that the worst of paranoid fears do not pass outside the bounds of possible human reality. One is protected against that reality by one’s power, often greater than one realises. Different attacks may be made, the important thing is that they are appropriate to tithe state of the experiencing ego, not that they correspond to the standard ‘real’ world. Some attacks isolate the ego. they may yet have a fair degree of effectiveness. Different ways in which people may be affected. Everyone needs to meet hatred and hostility. It is good for them

B 6,
Paranoia. Putting the worst possible construction on a given set of facts. It is strengthened by the part the will plays in the formation of reality.

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