Storm's Reply

(With no apologies to Tim Minchin)

North London dinner parties you can keep

Enduring tirades from some pompous creep

Isn’t exactly my idea of a nice hobby

Especially among people so snooty and snobby.

To make conversation isn’t easy you know

Sometimes the effort makes me want to throw

Up all that poncey food, or as we say chunder

This time I wonder

At precious prattle that passes for wit

Conventional views and political shit.

I venture an opinion or two of my own

Then this geezer beside me starts putting me down.

“This life is all that we need to be happy

All you have said is vacuous and crappy”

Says this smug and ill mannered Guardianista

As the plonk he is drinking makes him pisseder and pisseder.

I couldn’t reply I was much too well bred

But now I have thought what I ought to have said.

“Don’t thank irreligion if all seems so sunny,

But privilege and status and snobbery and money.

When it came to affirming your wonderful life

You mentioned your love for your wonderful wife.

Nonetheless I can see and I’m telling you mate

There are aspects of your life that aren’t all that great.

As you stared at my tits and stared at my bum

It was obvious to me you are under the thumb

I know where you’d rather be dipping your wick

If I couldn’t see that I would have to be thick.”

He still thinks he’s clever to have really got stuck in

Being rude to a girl and keep saying ‘fucking’

He wouldn’t have done were it not for the booze

But he’s pleased with himself, he has broken taboos.

He’s so proud of his triumph he has to shout it

From the rooftops, write a poem about it.

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